Tour de Force

Tour de France 1903

Regrettably I was already entombed in my icy berth when those sixty savages of the road set forth on the first Tour de France in 1903. However, I did have the dubious pleasure of meeting the eventual winner, Maurice Garin, at the inaugural Paris-Roubaix in 1896.

To commemorate the 100th edition of the Tour—and to recover the five guineas Garin charged me for his autograph—I am delighted to offer a set of six prints illustrating each of the six stages from that first race. Availability is limited so you are encouraged to place your order without delay.

—Being the 17th of July

Gin Rummy

Numbness of the fingers—as any illustrator of your acquaintance who has spent more than a few years frozen in the ice will tell you—can result in a certain stiffness of line. Fortunately, after a lengthy and intensive period of experimentation with a range of liquified plant extracts, Mr Von Beach has found that Gin, taken early, often, and in medicinal quantities, provides just the right degree of digital réchauffement required to ensure that his artistry improves or—failing this—that he no longer cares.

So the reader will appreciate the eagerness with which Mr Von Beach undertook this latest commission for the City of London Distillery. The brief, for illustrations to adorn both the label and distillery walls, was not overly taxing, but—ever the professional—he still devoted several very long nights to close interrogation of the brand in order to get things just so.

C.O.L.D. Gin Still

Fig. 1. Be Still, my beating heart

C.O.L.D. St Paul's

Fig. 2. “Juniper berries, up again !”
—Being the 18th June, a wearisome day.

Post : Electric or Otherwise

Returning to this site after his lengthy and to date unexplained absence, Mr Von Beach is delighted to announce the creation of a ‘mailing list’. Those wishing to join his circle of intimates should submit their details here. Mr Von Beach is in the habit—when the fancy strikes him—of furnishing his followers with small tokens of his esteem and he urges you to supply your particulars without delay.

Work-Shipping Forecast

For the benefit of his estimable clients—both actual and potential—Mr Von Beach is proud to announce the addition of a new page to his web-site : the Work-Shipping Forecast.

By precisely calibrating the expected workflows and atmospheric pressures within his studio in this manner, Mr Von Beach hopes to appraise interested onlookers with an accurate prediction as to his likely availability for new projects.

Who Moved My Stilton ?

The Victorian Guide to Getting Ahead in Business


Awake your inner Plutocrat with this rousing Guide to the secrets of success in commerce and industry.

Instant personal enrichment* guaranteed with every purchase !

Written with Mr Alan Tyers of Clerkenwell and published by Bloomsbury. Order Who Moved My Stilton ? without delay !







*For the authors

Published 8th November, 2012
Readers with no wish to see Mr Von Beach Blowing His Own Trumpet may instead follow his exploits simply at Work, Rest or Play.