Mr Von Beach Blowing His Trumpet :

Flaunting Himself In Public (Again)

Regrettably, Mr Von Beach has suffered from sudden fits of Shameless Exhibitionism ever since his earliest childhood. However, his latest attack is perhaps among the most prolonged and efflourescent since his infamous one-gentleman show at the Chelsea Home for Retired Bottlewashers in 1894.

Victoriana—The Art of Revival sprawls coquettishly through the bowels of London’s Guildhall Gallery and features the works of twenty-five eminent neo-Victorians—being Barnaby Barford, Su Blackwell, Ligia Bouton, Jake and Dinos Chapman, Piers Jamson, Tessa Farmer, Dan Hillier, Jane Hoodless, Stephen Kenny, Nick Knight, Kevin O’Neill, Grayson Perry, Miss Pokeno, Paula Rego, Rob Ryan, Paul St. George, Patrick St. Paul, Chantal Powell, Phil Sayers, Yinka Shonibare, Richard Slee, Yumiko Utsu, Kitty Valentine, Simon Venus, Tom Werber, Mathew Weir & Carole Windham—and one reanimated Victorian—being your host, Mr Von Beach.

Mr Von Beach is here below delighted to present a number of extracts from his Alphabet, commissioned expressly for the exhibition by Sonia Solicari, Principal Curator and Head of the Gallery.

V is for Voluptuous Automaton


C is for Concatenation

T is for Terminal Velocipede

—Friday the 6th September

1903 Pt. V

Tour de France 1903, Stage 5

At Roche-sur-Yon, Garin suggests the following arrangement : ‘I want to win alone and neither you nor anyone else must beat me. I’ll help you on the road in return.’ I still hadn’t won a stage and felt in fantastic form, so I rejected his offer outright. So Garin says to Pothier : ‘Go ahead and knock him off !’ No sooner said than done. Pothier advances a few metres, dismounts and throws his bike at mine. I fall off, Garin takes my bike, stamps on it and destroys the rear wheel. I was completely beaten.
Fernand Augereau, fourth

Being number five in a series of six prints to celebrate the 100th Tour de France.

—Sunday the 21st July

1903 Pt. III

Tour de France 1903, Stage 3

The third stage : unquestionably the hardest. A start in darkness beneath the moon’s sad gaze, a terrible mistral, atrocious roads, then a blazing sun, the desert once more and across the Cévennes under a white hot sky.
Henri Desgrange

Six prints to celebrate the 100th Tour.

—The 19th of July

Tour de France : Part Deux

Tour de France 1903 pt2

Iillustrating the second stage of the 1903 Tour de france—Lyon to Marseille—won by Hippolyte Aucouturier with all the panache one can muster after fourteen and a half hours in the saddle. Second in a series of six prints to celebrate the Tour’s 100th birthday.

—The day of the double d'Huez

Tour de Force

Tour de France 1903

Regrettably I was already entombed in my icy berth when those sixty savages of the road set forth on the first Tour de France in 1903. However, I did have the dubious pleasure of meeting the eventual winner, Maurice Garin, at the inaugural Paris-Roubaix in 1896.

To commemorate the 100th edition of the Tour—and to recover the five guineas Garin charged me for his autograph—I am delighted to offer a set of six prints illustrating each of the six stages from that first race. Availability is limited so you are encouraged to place your order without delay.

—Being the 17th of July

Bankers’ Draft

Presenting an extract from Mr Von Beach’s forthcoming tome, “Who Moved My Stilton ?” :
Who Moved My Stilton?

—Friday the 19th October

Stilton Ahoy !

For the benefit of those readers in search of exclusive and hitherto unremarked items, Mr Von Beach hereby—and most humbly—adumbrates the particulars of his next book, including a first glimpse of the dust jacket :

By Tyers & Beach

Who Moved My Stilton? promises to be an informative and diverting guide to the world of commerce, conceived expressly for the purpose of enriching all those who read it (any enrichment of the authors being entirely incidental).

Assuming no untoward events or legal impediments, Who Moved My Stilton? will be published by Bloomsbury of London in November of this year. Those of a more restive nature may wish to place an advance order with their local bookmonger today.

—Thursday the 21st day of June, 2012

Out to Launch

Our esteemed representatives hereby notify the Internetwork and all its inhabitants that Mr Von Beach’s most recent comic confection, Gin & Juice : The Victorian Guide to Parenting, lustily conceived with the full participation and consent of Mr Alan Tyers, is now available from all good bookmongers, and a few indifferent ones.

An attendant website, with previews and extracts from the work is also unveiled—Gin & Juice—with official opening ceremony to follow.

—The 2nd of March, 2012

Tome Alone

Mister Von Beach proudly unveils the dust jacket for his forthcoming work, Gin & Juice : The Victorian Guide to Parenting, written in collaboration with the noted wordsmith Mr Alan Tyers, publication by Bloomsbury of London imminent.

Mr Von Beach and his associates assume no responsibility for any mishaps or mischance that may arise from improper application of the advice expounded within.

Purchase the first edition forthwith

—Being the 30th of January 2012
Other Jottings : Work, Rest, Play, & Blowing His Own Trumpet.